I am appalled at a new study I just read about in The Salt Lake Tribune.
FIrst of all, it’s no secret that Utah has one of the highest suicide rates in the country. If you’ve ever lived here, visited here, read about this place, seen it on TV, heard about it, or even thought about it, then it’ll be no surprise to you.
Believe it or not, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints actually does not take up the majority of the population (members in Utah right now range at around 40 percent), but it is the dominant religion. It’s true that nobody holds a gun to your head and demands you follow the rules of the LDS faith. However, it’s also true that if you don’t abide by the rules, then you’re more likely than not to be bullied and made to feel less than, or even worse, you’ll be cut out of the lives of the people you love the most.
I myself have attempted suicide on four separate occasions. Three of those attempts had to do with my being gay. The epidemic of suicides in Utah, which are a direct result of people who feel their lives aren’t worth living because their community makes them feel that way, is on an alarming rise. But do you know what the article stated?
It blamed the high suicide rate on elevation. Yeah, that’s right. Elevation. It also said more than half of those who committed suicide were already diagnosed with a mental illness.
Does this repulse me? Absolutely. It almost makes me sick. I’m diagnosed with depression. But if I committed suicide tomorrow, it most certainly wouldn’t be because I’m mentally ill. There would be a catalyst. There would be a trigger. I wouldn’t just wake up tomorrow and kill myself simply because my brain wasn’t necessarily working the way some doctor thinks it should be working. No. If I killed myself tomorrow it would be because of school. It would be because the standards set for me are almost impossible to reach. It would be because I get more punishment for the times I fail than praise for the times I succeed. It would be because, despite the overwhelming number of times I succeed, it’s the minuscule amounts of failure that are brought to light and subsequently reiterated for time and all eternity.
It most certainly would not be because of the elevation. That’s for damn sure.
In the meantime, I’m constantly punishing myself. No, it’s not because I spend a lot of time at 6,800 feet above sea level. That’s FUCKING STUPID. I punish myself because I don’t feel like I can live up to what Utah expects me to be. I can’t have children. I can’t get married. My talents are basically dead ends. Well, I’ve hashed this out before.
Yes, I’m repulsed by this information. But the worst part of this article was this line:
“495 Utahns took their own lives in 2011, compared with 455 in 2010.
‘It’s a problem we’ve had for a long time, and it’s not going anywhere,’ said Jenny Johnson, education coordinator at the Utah Department of Health.
Because Utah’s population rose during the same time period, state officials do not consider the increase statistically significant.
If you aren’t offended by the fact that officials are downplaying an increase in suicide just because of an increase in population, then there’s something wrong with you. I wonder how many people don’t commit suicide in Utah, and just do this instead:
Yes, those are all pictures of me. No amount of Mederma can rid my body of those. They’re a reminder to me of years past, and how my life has become better. Anytime I start to go down the drain, all I need do is look at myself in the mirror to remember I’ve had some pretty bad times. But today, after I read that article, for some reason I’ve never felt closer to doing this again.
Why? Your guess is as good as mine. The article was so infuriating to me. It never once mentioned bullying or the LDS lifestyle. It never mentioned homosexuality. It blamed half of the cases on mental illness, and the other half on spats with a spouse. Oh yeah, and the reason we Utahns all seem to jump right to suicide is because of the elevation.
The fucking elevation.
whyicut 